


As You Wish

by Cheating_Jumper



Series: Jumpchain [7]
Category: Jumpchain, Princess Bride (1987)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:28:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23960830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheating_Jumper/pseuds/Cheating_Jumper
Summary: Jumper goes to a world that is influenced by the greatest of all forces - twoo wuv.
Series: Jumpchain [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1000761
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

“As you wish.” Chan said, allowing herself to be towed inside behind me.

The portal closed, disconnecting us from the Animorphs-verse, and everyone appeared in front of the Warehome. I was so relieved I ran to grab as many of them in a hug as I could. Using my wings as well as my arms I was just able to get everyone who had fainted in the group hug.

Lillie was crying and apologising, feeling guilty for not taking out any of the Howlers. She couldn’t kill any, even though she knew they were trying to kill us, she just couldn’t bring herself to kill anything. I reassured her, I knew how hard it is for her to see anything hurt, let alone inflict harm herself. It was enough for her to have held them at bay with us for as long as she could.

Relieved and reassured, I finally released them all from my embrace and turned to Chan, who was standing against her door with her customary smirk.

“Are you going to make me go straight into the next Jump, or do we get a few hours decompression time first?” I asked, walking over to her.

“Don’t worry darlin’, I’ll let you relax a little, we just have a bit of housekeeping to do first,” she said, holding out the JumpPad to me. “I’m guessing you want to bring along the Blade Ship, and since I don’t want you complaining about how it doesn’t fit in here, I thought you might like this little supplement.”

I cocked my head, my curiosity definitely piqued at her smiled words. I mean, obviously I wanted to keep the _Toothpick_ , but I was under the impression that if it wasn’t paid in CP and couldn’t fit in the Warehouse, I’d have to leave it behind.

Taking the JumpPad, I saw the title “Jumpchain Space Dock”, which sounded very promising. Scanning the specs for it though, much less promising.

“This is kinda crap,” I muttered.“Chan, the _Toothpick_ is way too big to fit in this. The base area is too small for anything but a fighter, the biggest upgrade isn’t enough to fit the original Enterprise, and there’s no mention of how tall each dry dock is. A space station with dry docks needs to factor in a third dimension.”

Chan listened to me, her eyebrows steadily rising as I spoke. I could feel a full on rant coming on, and evidently so could she, because she cut me off by tapping the screen and saying “Oh look! An update!”

I grinned sheepishly, and looked over the sudden update. Instead of 100x100 metres, the base measurements were 1,000x1,000x100 metres. Much better.

The Orbital Docking Station would allow me to store my spaceships that wouldn’t fit in the Warehouse, would appear in a discreet location near the planet I started on, and would shut down any FTL devices in settings that didn’t have any native ones. With 600 Station Points to spend, there were a bunch of upgrades I could purchase for the ODS.

I immediately spent 70 to upgrade to maximum size. The first upgrade put me at 3,000x3,000x300 metres, and the second upgrade had me at 6,000x6,000x1,000 metres. Plenty of space for pretty much anything short of super star destroyers. If I find some of those, I guess I’ll have to figure something else out.

Regardless, the size upgrades affected all dry docks I purchased, so I did just that. Purchasing two extra supersized dry docks put me back another 100, putting me down to 430.

For 20SP apiece, I bought three Fuelling Stations, one for each dry dock, and another 10SP gave me a total of half a dozen docking ports per dry dock.

For 20SP apiece, I bought three fuelling stations, one for each dry dock, and another 10SP gave me a total of half a dozen docking ports per dry dock.

Engines, shields, a cloaking device, observation deck, hangar bay doors, and an external airlock were only 75SP all up, bringing me down to 285.

It was 25SP for 200 android crew members, and 15SP for the same amount of maintenance drones, so I got three complements of both. I figured 600 maintenance drones would be enough to fix anything, and 600 androids, the humanoid robots not the phone brand, that came preprogrammed with above average skills at every position needed to operate a ship would be more than a little handy.

With 165SP left, the only thing I hadn’t bought were turrets. Each 10SP purchase got me 20 automatic plasma, laser, or kinetic guns.

I thought it over for a moment, then plugged in another crew purchase and 140SP worth of turrets, giving an even mix of all three (plus one extra plasma - I like plasma), before handing the tablet back to Chan and going to decompress with the others.   
  


* * *

  
The next few hours passed quickly, partly because we watched movies from my laptop and partly because we all dozed off in a big pile halfway through the second Spider-Man movie. When I woke up, I was lying on Chan’s couch with my head in her lap. 

“Hey there hon, have a nice nap?” She asked as she stroked my hair, smiling down at me.

“Very refreshing, yeah,” I said, suddenly uncomfortable and sat up. “I take it it’s time for the next Jump?”

Chan nodded and handed me the tablet. The title of the next Jump made me gasp.

“The Princess Bride? You’re kidding!”

I was flabbergasted. Princess Bride was one of my favourite movies, one that I’d watched with my mum dozens, if not hundreds, of times - enough for me to know the script near-verbatim even before I got a flawless memory.

Even before looking at it, I decided straight away that I’d be the Westley origin, which probably meant this would be my first non-Drop In. Very exciting.

Reading the intro brought a familiar smile to my face, whatever mysterious higher being made this Jump was obviously as fond of the source material as I was.

Rolling for age and location netted me 23 years and started me halfway up the Cliffs of Insanity. I guess it could be worse, there’s always the Fire Swamp (although that’s quite survivable if you know the dangers), or I could be strapped into Rugen’s Machine. Compared to that, the Cliffs are just a quick hop up, and it says I have a harness to make the climb easier. Cakewalk.

A quick coin flip told me I was male again, and then there were origins, with Man in Black free for the picking.

_Worldly and experienced with broad skill base... but a painful, trying past that got you those skills. You’re a walking, talking epic. You’re well read, have dabbled in piracy, and have an air of mystery. Your history is one of survival despite the odds. You boast serviceable skills in anything adventuring. Scale cliffs, navigate swamps, fence capably, etc. Jack of all trades, master of none. Epic love story optional._

Marvellous!

The next part confused and intrigued me. Animorphs had had a Companion section as well, but that was for buying the Animorphs as companions, Princess Bride’s was for importing ones I already had.

“50CP to import two companions, gifting them an Origin and the Freebies. Max eight companions,” I read aloud. “Shame I've only got the one. Seems like a bit of a waste buying two slots, but at least Lillie gets something.”

“Well why not import your Pokémon then?” Chan asked, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“...I can do that?” I asked, once I parsed what she said.

“Sure, as long as it’s not a canon character, you can import anyone you bring along into a Companion slot,” she explained with a shrug.

“Well then, I’ll chuck 200CP in for the full eight, and...” my voice trailed off after paying for the companions as something occurred to me. “Hang on, does that mean I could’ve imported someone as the Andalite or Hork-Bajir last jump?”

“Isn’t that what I just said?”

“Well why didn’t you tell me when I was thinking about buying one?” I demanded.

“Well why didn’t you ask me about it then?” She shot back with a smirk.

I growled and grumbled, but I couldn’t argue with her without going in circles. Instead I just turned back to the Jump doc and input who I was importing.

Lillie was obviously the first choice, bringing her in as a Noble; the origin that mixed Buttercup, Rugen, Humperdinck, and (for some reason) Vizzini; giving her the perk Statesman, which gave her the administrative skills to easily run a nation or corporation in peace or war, and a Soreless Saddle, which was a saddle that would fit any riding beast and would protect the rider from any discomfort or injury from riding.

Next was Chazza, the next most obvious choice, as a Mercenary; Inigo Montoya’s origin; giving him Hello!, which gave him great skill in every significant style of fencing (and the way it’s phrased made it seem like it was very major style ever - past, present, and future), and a Small Sword, which was a choice of a foil, sabre, or epée. I couldn’t ask him which he’d prefer, since Chan’s chamber blocked every form of communication to the outside. I’d asked if I could fill out the doc out with the others, but she’d told me not yet, in a tone that suggested she’d tell me when I could and I shouldn’t ask again. In any case, I decided to give him an epée. Hopefully he liked it.

Cera joined him as a Merc, gaining the same perk and a matching epée. Cera was more of a heavy weapon girl, but maybe she could pick up some skills in that area in a later Jump.

I thought it over for a bit, then put in Sally as a Noble, getting her the same as her Trainer, then imported Cuddles and Borealis as Bards, the Drop In option with meta abilities that best suited the Grandfather. They got the Storyteller perk, which gave them supreme skill at oration, expertly pulling the audience into their story and playing their emotions. They also got an incredible item, a Library, which contained an updating collection of each new Jump’s literary classics, fables, and children’s fiction. It also came with a copy of the first edition Princess Bride book and script, signed by author and cast and crew. Truly marvellous.

Finally, Archie and Toddles joined me as Men in Black. All three of us got the perk As You Wish, which gave us a catchphrase we could use as a substitute for any other sentence that our allies would understand, like how Buttercup knew that when Westley said “As you wish”, he was really saying “I love you”. For me, I’d be using “Marvellous” for my catchphrase, since I used that quite often, mostly sarcastically. Our free item was the Mysterious Mask, a terribly comfortable mask that completely hid our identities so completely that even our lovers wouldn’t recognise us without other clues.

With that 200 spent and 2800 left in the bank, I spent the 600CP to get the rest of the MiB line.

I’ll Most Likely Kill You in the Morning made it so that no one could bring themselves to kill me in cold blood. If I was caught they might still torture me, but they’d keep me alive just one more day. Always one more day, even after the last month of one more days, there’d be another one more day.

Dread Pirate Roberts gave me the uncanny ability to get even the most fearsome and violent people to mentor me. I’d quickly learn everything they teach me until they retire and I can flawlessly take on their identity. I can’t wait to be Thanos, Ganondorf, and the Lord Ruler.

Last, but not least, was Death Cannot Stop True Love. When I poured my passion into a cause, I’ll be empowered by an order of magnitude in every endeavour dedicated to that cause. I could survive an encounter with the deadliest pirate, win a sword fight against a world-class fencer, beat a giant with my bare hands, and outwit a Sicilian when death was on the line, all in pursuit of reuniting with my true love.

That left me with 2200CP and the first two Bard perks were calling to me. Storyteller was something I’d’ve loved to have when I was DMing DnD, but it was Speed Reading that I’d pay an arm and a leg for. 300 for both together was the biggest steal since the bodymod sense package. At just a touch I could completely absorb the contents of a book, webpage, movie, etc, as if I had gone through it carefully and thoughtfully. It didn’t add any blank user input information though, so I’d have to fill in the gaps or go to the next webpage manually though. To make up for that limitation, however, I could at will mute any memories of stories to enjoy them all over again without spoilers. I’d be stopping by my Discworld collection straight away with this absolutely magnificent power.

I picked up Hello and Statesman for 100 apiece, bringing me down to 1700 and to the items. The first line items for each origin were only 50, so I grabbed Small Sword, importing my Conduit weapon as a sabre, to balance out the discounted 50 I spent on Iocane Powder. It was a small vial of odourless, tasteless poison that dissolved instantly in liquid, was fatal to anyone except me, and refilled as soon as I restoppered the vial.

The third and final item for MiB was a C.O.U.S., a Collar Of Unusual Size, which could increase or decrease the wearer’s size, ignoring all the complicated science stuff like the square cube law, to up to a factor of 2500 times their original size. Holy fuck yes. Mega giant Evil! Kitty Kong!

With 1500 left, the Bard line was calling to me again. Dropping 100 for the Bookcase (a bookcase that was as tall as a man, three arm spans wide, can hold an infinite number of books, automatically sorts them, and even has a simple search system) and 200 for the Adaptanator (a decorated box about twice as big as a shoebox that adapts any piece of media put in it, eg a book or VHS, into the best version of any other form you wish. Might finally get a good Eragon movie with this) was CP well spent.

I dropped another 200 on Miracle Max’s Medicines, which could bring anyone back from Mostly Dead to Totally Alive and could even cure degenerative conditions given enough time, brought me down to 1000. Before I bought the last few bits and bobs, I figured I should check what troubles I might have to endure this decade.

  
Well this might actually be fun. Not only did I get a bonus for taking a drawback that matched my background, but half of the lesser ones were really quite amusing. That being said, none of the 300s were worth it. One brought Morgenstern back to make vindictive edits to his story while I tried to preserve magic and true love, one made me a small minded prick with delusions of grandeur and huge blind spots, one gave me my own Inigo Montoya hunting me down empowered with copies of all my skills and swords, and one threatened to end my whole Chain if I didn’t stop a war between Guilder and Florin, and unite them by marrying Prince Westley and Princess Buttercup of their respective kingdoms.

This Jump has no major problematical events and is basically a holiday, I don’t wanna screw it over with any of that crap. No, I completely skipped over them, as well as the ones that made me broke, drunk, a sociopath, or perpetually sick, instead taking 300, plus a bonus 150, for Castaway and Why Won’t My Arms Move?, the first of which made me get diverted or lost on anything more than a day trip, and the second made a different random arm, leg, or neck go limp every day. Those were amusing and easily dealt with, but the real fun ones were Anybody Want a Peanut? and Is This a Kissing Story? for another 300. Peanut made everyone rhyme or pun, and Kissing Story made me consider Mawwiage as the best solution to any conflict. Getting paid for constant punning and Twoo Wuv? How could I say no to that?

With the extra 750CP added to my bank, I went back over to see what other stuff I might like to spend my 1750 on.

I put down 400 for the My Name is Inigo Montoya and Popular Opinion skills. Inigo gave me complete certainty in my identity, the willpower to dedicate myself to a single goal, and the integrity to turn away all temptations that might sway me from said goal, while PopOp gave me incredible charisma, making me a master at swaying the public however I pleased.

Another 400 went to You Killed My Father, that meant if I knew two details of a person, specifically their appearance, name, and/or deed, I could track them down to the ends of the earth with innate knowledge of the distance and direction they are, or where their grave is if they’re already dead. Incredibly useful if I’m ever in a Sherlock Holmes or Death Note Jump.

The last 600 I spent on Skills, the final 350 being used for items, was for When Death is On the Line, named for possibly the best scene in the entire movie. It let me always keep my cool, made me a master of brinksmanship, able to push items, people, even nations to their very limits, and I’d always know well in advance where the breaking point would be. I’ve always been something of a manipulator, but this is bringing me to supervillain levels. I’m a twirly moustache away from joining Lex Luthor and Xanatos.

Going back down to the items section, I dropped 100 on getting a Holocaust Cloak, named not for the WW2 atrocity but the earlier use of the word, a burnt offering. The Cloak was an inky black, would fit any frame, had a hood that cast deep shadows, and at will could light itself on fire without harming itself or its wearer. Fantastic no? Well worth the thirdish of my remaining points.

With my last 250 there wasn’t much I could buy without shuffling around some previous purchases to free up some more CP. That being said, I didn’t really have my eye on anything else. The Informal Polling looked cool, since it would automatically give me any demographic’s answers to the six questions I put on the form, but I’d rather keep the Holocaust Cloak since it cost the same.

To spend myself out, I plunked 50 down on the Soreless Saddle and 200 on The Machine. Yeah, the torture device Count Rugen, the six-fingered man, spent years developing, that uses a water wheel and suction cups to literally drain life from a person. Lucky me, I have my own copy of it. The description does suggest I could find a way to reverse the process, so yay?

Regardless, that was everything spent, so I hit confirm and felt the usual tug of insertion taking me away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the quarantine I finally have nothing else to do but write stuff. Only just started though, so it might be a bit before I finish writing this Jump


	2. Chapter 2

I came to in a large basket along with Sally and Lillie, with Cera, Chazza, and Toddles winching us up, and the others waiting for us in the ruins. It was odd seeing them all as human. 

Sally looked a lot like Nani from Lilo and Stitch, but longer in the face and wider at the hips. I was suddenly reminded that Salazzles were all female and made a harem out of the male Salandits. Seeing her as a human made me understand why they’d flock to her, she was incredibly attractive. She was still a Pokémon at heart though, so I stopped that thought in its tracks.

Chazza looked like a young Ken Watanabe, but with bright blue eyes, shoulder length reddish hair pulled back in a ponytail, and stood a head taller than me.

Cera was about my height and looked like Tinkerhulk. Her face was cute and she had iron grey hair in a pixie cut, and she looked like an Olympic class weightlifter.

In comparison to her, Borealis was a damn model. Tall, willowy, dark skin, and ash blonde hair that fell to her waist, she would be turning heads once we got to civilisation, and not just because we’re in an all-white country.

Toddles looked like a thuggish Jackie Chan, with spiky black hair that had a few white patches in it, and was still chewing his bamboo shoot.

Archie was wearing his mask, which was a full hooded cowl that covered the lower half of his face as well, so I could only see his bright green eyes, and the fact that he was the shortest of anyone, barely over a metre and a half tall.

Finally there was Cuddles, and wasn’t he a sight. He looked like Jason Momoa with Down Syndrome. He was a touch shorter than Borealis, had broader shoulders than anyone else, and had a shit eating grin plastered on his wide face. Of all the ‘mon, I think he was most comfortable with the change to human. Everyone else was checking themselves over for a while after the basket reached the top.

Most of our things were nearby, with the large items either in the Warehouse or in the safe house (wherever that ended up being this time), and we found that each of us had a nice little welcome gift from Chan. We all had what looked like about a month’s worth of funds, Sally and Lillie had title deeds to small holdings, and the rest of us had bags that, much like my pokébag, was bigger on the inside.

Once everyone was done comparing their human forms and practising switching forms, we headed over to the Fire Swamp where I wanted to grab an R.O.U.S. morph.

Thanks to All Terrain Hiker from PMD, we walked right over the lightning sand pits, and the only one of us that got got by the flame spurt was Chazza, and he barely felt it.

In the end, we didn’t find the Rodents Of Unusual Size. They found us. Cera was poking around with her new sword when one jumped out and tried to sink its fangs into her. The thing was twice as big as a Raticate and was nearly as big as her human form, which was about half a head shorter than her Pokéform, but I guess her Steel/Rock typing carried over to her skin, since we all heard the rat-beast’s teeth break.

I acquired its DNA, then put it out of its misery. We tried cooking it to see if it would taste any good, and let me tell you something... it did not. I immediately regretted my choice and tossed most of it into the lightning sand, never to be seen again. Chazza kept munching on the haunch he kept though. The boy has no taste it seems.

* * *

  
There really wasn’t much to do besides that. We found the holdings our noble ladies owned in Florin, and they were fairly profitable lands, generating enough funds to live on comfortably. That’s pretty much what we did for the next few years. Those two ruled over their lands, with Sally becoming quite popular with many of the attractive young men working her land, and all of us did some mercenary work around the place.

Almost exactly five years after settling in, I was faced with an interesting dilemma. Vizzini approached us to help him start a war. Apparently some noble dressed in a dark cloak as a disguise paid him a tidy sum to kidnap the newly betrothed Princess Buttercup, with promise of more gold on completion.   
Did I want to go along to witness the plot firsthand, and possibly derail it by either replacing Fezzik or Inigo, or by putting an extra body between Westley and his true love?

My first thought was maybe i could solve this if I marry one of them.

My second thought was how ridiculous my first thought was. I didn’t want to marry any of them. Vizzini was an amusing character but a terrible person, and the other two were obviously destined to be a pair. Maybe I could marry Fezzik and Inigo? Maybe not yet, that wouldn’t solve my current predicament.

Sadly, there’s no way marriage or kissing could be used as a solution, and I knew I’d put the whole thing off by saying their lines along with them, so I declined Vizzini’s offer.

“A mercenary turning down paying work? Inconceivable!” He said to himself as he left. I just punched the air in glee. He said the thing!

After that, there wasn’t much else to do except move to the capital and wait for the wedding. Every noble in the land was invited, which meant Cuddles and I tagged along as Sally’s and Lillie’s plus ones.

It was all I could do not to slap Humperdinck as he rushed what was otherwise a wonderful mawwiage ceremony.

The next day, there was a great fuss about finding the prince tied to a chair, Count Rugen killed, and Princess Buttercup kidnapped by the Dread Pirate Roberts. Some terrible person was even spreading a rumour that Roberts actually rescued her from her murderous new husband. Such scandal!

With the main plot finished, and happy endings all round for the protagonists, there was really nothing more to do in Florin. I set up a bit of mental conditioning in Humperdinck’s mind that made him less of a sadistic asshole and nudged him towards conquering the world with diplomacy rather than warfare. Not sure if it worked, I didn’t stick around long enough to find out. I got word from Chazza that Rugen’s machine and its blueprints were destroyed, and we set out to hire a ship.

Well, I say hire. It was more like the ‘mon commandeered one to teach us the ropes. They didn’t want me saying anything until they struck an agreement. I don’t know why, I’m sure the sailors would’ve agreed to teach us in exchange for marriage, then we wouldn’t have needed to even pay them.

Once we had spent a year becoming seasoned sailors, we bought our own ship and set ourselves up as pirates. Many a sailor preferred to face the straightforward sword of the Dread Pirate Roberts than meet the confusing marriage proposal of the Odd Pirate Robbins.

* * *

  
Our final day was spent sailing into port and finding a picturesque spot to relax. Chan appeared beside me, handed me another ale, and asked what my choice would be this time.

“Marr-” I started to say, when Lillie slapped her hands over my mouth.

“We discussed it earlier,” she said to Chan, “and he’d like to move on to the next Jump. Maybe we could go now and revoke the drawbacks?”

Chan just grinned at us and simply said “As you wish.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to write and is so short. There really wasn’t much I could think of to do here.


End file.
